Snoop Universe
by StevenUFandroid
Summary: Basically an AU where Snoop Dogg replaces Steven. Laughs 99% Guaranteed.
1. Gem Smo'

**I'm sorry in advance for making this.**

* * *

Snoop looked inside his favorite store, the Big Donut.

"Y'all niggas tellin' me you don't have any weed," The rapper states in disbelief.

"I'm sorry sir. As you can see, we only serve donuts," The pale, blonde haired girl says, gesturing to the menu. "And please refrain from using that language."

"Man, this shit is whack," Snoop Dogg shakes his head and walks out the door.

When he gets into the temple, a large buglike creature jumps onto him.

"Don't even think about it, motherfucker," Snoop says, calmly snapping the monster's neck and sending it into it's gem.

"Sorry Snoop. We tried to get this place cleaned up for you," Pearl apologizes, stabbing another one of the bugs with her spear.

"It's kay," Snoop assures the gems.

Before they even register it, a deafening noise and several bursts of light echo throughout the temple.

Above the roar, they hear a voice shouting.

"DIE MOTHERFUCKERS DIE MOTHERFUCKERS DIE MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Finally, the roar dies down, revealing Snoop Dogg with a smoking AK-47.

"Next time you niggas need to do a better job of housekeeping," he says.

He walks to his safe and opens it, pulling out a blunt.

"At least I can rely on you, Mary Jane," He whispers, smoking the hemp.

"I don't quite approve of Snoop's smoking habit," Pearl says, indignant.

"C'mon Pearl! Stop being such a bitch," Amethyst laughs, reaching for a blunt.

Suddenly, she hears a 'click' and looks up to see Snoop pointing a 9mm at her gem.

"Put the weed down, motherfucker," He growls, steadying his grip on the gun.

Amethyst puts her hands up and backs away.

"Better."

Suddenly, a huge roar is heard and the Crystal Gems come running outside.

A humongus centipede is outside, spraying acid everywhere.

"I got this, niggas," Snoop says, and the gem on his stomach begins to glow, revealing a rocket launcher.

"Go to hell, ugly ass mofo," He says, and shoots a rocket at the creature. It screeches in pain as it's gem breaks into millions of pieces.

"The day is saved again by the Dogg," Snoop says nonchalantly, and walks back inside.


	2. Laser Blunt Cannon

Amethyst and Snoop walk through a dark alley.

"Give us the weed!" Snoop says, slamming his hands down on a rusty metal table.

"Sorry, we're all out," Mr. Fryman says, shaking his head.

He hears a 'click'. He knows that sound all too well.

Amethyst is holding a Glock to his forward.

"Give us the weed." She growls.

Mr. Fryman opens up his jacket, and literally hundreds of blunts fall out.

"Take anything you want! Just don't kill me!" He sobs.

Snoop and Amethyst grab as many blunts as their arms can carry and run away giggling.

* * *

Amethyst and Snoop look up in the sky to see some kind of metal comet.

She moves to pick Snoop up, but he growls.

"Don't even think about it, motherfucker!

Instead, they go running to Pearl.

"Garnet! Pearl!" Amethyst yells.

"We know. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. Where were you?" Pearl asks.

"Dealing drugs with Mr. Fryman," Snoop says, looking at his 9mm.

Pearl shakes her head. "Why am I not surprised."

"BECAUSE I'M MOTHERFUCKING SNOOP DOGG MOTHERFUCKER!" Snoop screams, firing wildly into the air.

One of the shots hit's the comet, and it opens up to reveal a red eye.

"That is one ugly ass case of pinkeye," Snoop shakes his head.

"Look, it's going to crush us, along with a lot of oblivious, innocent people," Pearl says.

She feels cold metal pressed under her chin. "Please stop doing that, Snoop," She groans.

"Are you saying I'm not an innocent people?" Snoop asks, pressing the gun harder against Pearl's chin. "Because I killed niggas for less."

Pearl puts her hands up. "Of course you're an innocent person. Why would anyone think otherwise?" She nervously chuckles.

Snoop relaxes, and he lets the gun down.

"So what do we do?" He asks.

"The only thing we can do. The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is the light cannon that belonged to Notorious B.I.G." Garnet says.

"My late nigga?" Snoop asks.

"Ugh! If Biggie were here, this would be so easy," Amethyst groans.

"I know. But she's not. And neither are the light cannons. We'll have to find another way," Pearl says.

Snoop's eyes light up. "If it was my nigga's, I bet Kanye will know where it is! He could help us save the day!"

He runs off, not even giving a shit about what the other gems had to say.

Finally, he came across Kanye next to his garage, and he smiles.

"My nigga!"

"My nigga!"

The two do their best friends for life handshake.

"So what brings you to my humble domain?" Kanye asks.

"The bitches I live with say I need to get a laser light cannon or some shit." Snoop replies.

"Lemme see what I got," Kanye says, opening his garage.

It's cluttered with hundreds of blunt wrappers and indecent magazines.

"Man, I ain't got time for this shit. Let's just hope the cannons are missile resistant," Snoop says, taking out a bazooka.

He shoots a rocket inside the garage, obliterating everything in it. It explodes in a ball of flame, leaving nothing behind.

"Guess not," Snoop says, and begins to run away.

"I'LL KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" He hears Kanye call from behind him.

Snoop runs up to the gems. "Well, I didn't get the laser light cannons. Hey, why are you throwing Amethyst? Will that take down the pink eye?" He asks.

"No, I just really hate Amethyst," Pearl says.

"Hang on. I gotta idea," Snoop says.

They wait. The pink eye gets closer.

Finally, when it's about to crash, a flash of light and a deafening roar is heard.

"DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER,"

The pink eye falls down, full of bullet holes and useless.

"Noone fucks with my crew," Snoop says, and turns around and walks away.


	3. Weedburger Bluntpack

Snoop sits on a rock, curled up into a ball.

"Waiting for the weed, waitng for the weed. Bring me the weed that I love the mooooooost," he sings.

He looks over to see Jamie walking towards him.

"My song came true! Do you have the weed for me, Jamie?"

Jamie looked sad. "No, but I do have this blunt backpack for you," he says, taking out a reefer backpack.

"Then you're useless," Snoop growls.

He pulls out his glock and repeatedly shoots Jamie in the face, instantly killing him.

"Lesson 1 in Snoop School: Don't anger da dogg," he says.

Suddenly, a flash comes from inside the temple, and he gasps.

"My niggas are back!" He says excitedly.

He runs inside the temple to see Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl involved in a bizzare scene.

Garnet has feathers sticking out of her hair, and Pearl is scolding Amethyst.

"Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!" Pearl says.

Amethyst promptly flips her off and stuffs the egg in the fridge. She slams the door to hear a loud crack, and sees egg yolk dripping out from under the fridge.

She runs away, fearing the can of ass-whooping Snoop's about to open up on her.

"We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a minute, then we're going right back out," Pearl says.

Snoop takes out his Glock and aims it at her forehead. "And you niggas ain't takin' me?" He asks.

Pearl groans. "Of course we're taking you."

"What do we have to do?" Snoop asks.

"We have to place this statue on the top of the Lunar Sea Spire by night, or else the whole place will fall apart!" Pearl says.

Snoop walks away. "Nope nuh-uh this nigga ain't doing that see you later you fucking bimbos," He says.


	4. Together Bluntfest

Snoop looks at the 4 pieces of paper and the hemp on the table.

He carefully rolls each of them up into the dopest dope ever created.

He walks up to the door and starts rapidly banging on it.

"Pearl! Garnet! Amethyst!" He yells. "Any of you niggas home?"

"Fuck this," He says, turning around and walking away.

He waits a while, and the warp pad lights up, revealing Garnet.

"Red bitch!" He smiles.

"Wanna smoke a blunt together? I made one for all four of us! We can smoke it together...like best niggas!"

"I can't stay. There's business to attend to inside the temple," Garnet says, then walks through the temple door.

"fuckin' bimbo" Snoop whispers under his breath.

Suddenly, Amethyst bursts through the door, looking like one of those racist cops you're always hearing about.

"Stop! Police!" She yells.

Snoop gets out a gun and points it at her. "Is this because I'm black, motherfucker?" He asks.

Amethyst puts up her hands, and Snoop puts the gun down.

"You got something on your shirt." Amethyst says, pointing to Snoop's gangster muscle tee.

He looks down, only to be repeatedly stabbed in the chest by Amethyst. He doesn't even flinch. Instead, he whispers "Don't fuck with a god, motherfucker," and pulls out a 9mm.

He shoots Amethyst in the face, immediately sending her back to her gem. However, since she's an impatient bitch, she instantly regenerates, not having changed her outfit at all.

Suddenly, the temple door opens, and Amethyst and Snoop both stare at it.

"Hey, that's my door!" Amethyst yells.

"Oh, Amethyst, there you are," Pearls says, stepping out. "Care to explain what one of my swords was doing in your room?" She asks.

"Having a swoooord party!" Amethyst responds.

"Oh please! You took it!" Pearl scolds.

"I did not!" Amethyst protests.

"Fine. It's in the past. I forgive you," Pearl says.

Amethyst groans.

"Also, I cleaned up that awful awful mess you made. You're welcome."

"You did what? I have a system!" Amethyst runs into her room.

"Purple bitch! Wait!" Snoop yells.

"What's the matter Snoop?" Pearl asks.

"I wanted us all to smoke blunts together!" Snoop yells, worried. "So I made blunts. But everyone keeps leaving."

"Oh, that's nice," Pearl says, then leaves like the little bitch she's shown to be in future episodes.

"Oh no! Not you too! I can't let this become together brunch blunts." Snoop says. He grabs the blunts and rams his way through the door into Pearl's weird meditating room.

He looks up to see Pearl doing an interpretive dance or some shit.

She puts the sword back in it's scabbard. "There." Suddenly, like the little Obsessive Compulsive slut she is, she straightens it out. What a waste of time.

"HEY PEARL!" Snoop screams so loud that if he was a normal man, it would have torn apart his vocal cords.

Pearl gasps. "Snoop," and the swords fall into the water.

"What are you doing here? You know you shouldn't come into my room when the door's locked." She says. **;)**

Her gem shines, and the door opens.

Snoop pulls out an AK-47 and points it at Pearl. "I don't give a fuck. We're gonna have a nice together bluntfest," He puts down the gun and starts swimming towards her.

"WTF?! Get out of there!" Pearl squawks.

Snoop suddenly gets pulled down a waterfall by the current, and he starts furiously paddling backwards. He then disobeys the laws of physics, going upside down and at impossibly high speeds.

Finally, he washes ashore to see Amethyst walking around in her room. He looks in his pocket. The blunts were still there, nice and dry.

She tosses around a mound of worthless crap.

"Amethyst!" Snoop calls out.

"Oh hey Snoop. Did you come down the waterfall?" She asks.

"You're goddamn right," He murmers.

"Pearl gets so mad that I have her junk, but it's always falling down here!" Amethyst shouts. Snoop could only smile. Amethyst wasn't getting the hints.

"Isn't it awful? Pearl organized everything!" Amethyst says.

"I know, bitch. I was there." Snoop says.

"What's that, Snoop?" She asks. Snoop takes out the Pot and shows it to her. "They're blunts! I made them so we could have a together bluntfest!" He says.

"Alright! Weed!" Amethyst says, reaching for the reefer.

"No! It's for everyone to smoke together!" He yells, pulling it away.

"Oh...GIMME GIMME!" Amethyst screeches.

Snoop yells, and starts running away.

"They're for all of us to smoke together!" He yells.

He eventually runs into a path that goes upside down, and continues.

He makes it to a large square hole in the wall, and turns around to see Amethyst chasing him.

"Snoop! I'm hoooorrrrrnnnyyy!" She yells.

Snoop sees some floating pads, and starts leaping onto them. Finally, he jumps onto an overhang and races through a tunnel.

Basically, there's a really long chase scene, and some pointless drivel that goes on in the middle.

Snoop enters a room, and jumps onto a pole.

"Snoop! There you are!" He hears Pearl yell. "You really shouldn't be in here."

"I CAN DO WHAT I WANT MOTHAFUCKA!" He protests.

"This is the Crystal Heart! It's connected to the most dangerous areas of the temple! Hold on tight and don't look down" She says.

Snoop, of course, instantly looks down. Fuck the popo.

He sees a dark hole, which reminds him of Iggy Azalea ;).

He eagerly slides down, chuckling. He ends up on a slant and sees Garnet walking towards a boiling pool of lava.

She breaks the phone containing her sex tape in half, and drops a scroll containing "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life" into the lava.

Pearl and Amethyst drop down after Snoop and start whispering to him.

"THIS IS GREAT! WE'RE ALL TOGETHER!" Snoop shrieks.

Garnet turns around, surprised.

"We can finally get high! I mean, we're not wearing our traditional police uniforms, but that's okay," he says. "I ain't gon' judge."

"Snoop! Go!" Garnet yells.

"Again with the racial stereotypes! You think because I'm African-American, I'm gonna fuck everything up!" Snoop says.

Suddenly, the scroll explodes into smoke, and it lashes out at Snoop. A deafening roar is heard. The rapture has begun.

"DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER." Snoop says, blasting away the smoke as if it were nothing.

He takes out the blunts and lights them in the lava pool. "Now we can finally get stoned off our asses," he says.

Garnet and Amethyst each take a blunt, but Pearl refuses. "Sorry, I don't smoke," She says.

Snoop takes out a Glock and aims it at her. "You will."

They all got high.

* * *

 **There. I finally did it. I watched the whole episode, almost copying it word for word. Tune in next time for... WeedBo**


	5. Snoop's Declaration

**1,000 views. Holy crap.**

* * *

Snoop is sitting in a desk chair, smiling.

"Hey y'all. My name is Snoop Dogg, occasionally known as Snoop Lion. Some of you have said that this story sheds a sterotypical light on the African-American ethnicity." He chuckles.

"I can assure you that's not true. How I am represented in this story does not represent the views of the author on all African Americans. I am a character who's personality is based on Weed, as per my song 'Smoke Weed everyday'"

He continues. "I was also a member of a gang. That would explain my obsession with guns and why I constantly use the words "Nigga" and "Motherfucker" in this story. You see, the author did not have a racist thought in mind when he created this. Nothing near it. He just wanted to bring a laugh to your day while simutaneously illuminating the issues of modern-day society. He would also like to thank you for your patience in reading this," Snoop finishes. Suddenly, a voice calls out from the other room.

"Snoop, are you done using the camera? I gotta use it to film Garnet naked in the shower and sell the video to PornHub," Amethyst calls.

"I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT!" Snoop yells back.


	6. WeedBo

**Sorry for the lateness. I couldn't find this episode ANYWHERE.**

* * *

Snoop looks around in his pile of clothes, half naked.

"Where are you..." He mutters.

"You're a mess, Snoop" He says, shaking his head.

Pearl walks in the room, holding a mysterious Gem shard or some shit, but screams when she sees Snoop's 24 inch Johnson.

She finally regains her composure. "Hey Snoop...have you seen a gem shard anywhere? It's very important." She states.

"Nope. Have you seen my underwear?" Snoop asks.

"Snoop, underwear won't be enough. You at least need to put on pants," She says.

"I'm a celebrity, motherfucker. I can wear anything I want. Hell, I could wear a Nazi symbol and noone would care. I'm famous, BITCH!"

Pearl sighs, and places her hands on her hips. "What exactly are you looking for anyway?"

"I seem to have dislocated a joint," Snoop says, putting on ragged jeans.

"I though you were-"

"IT WAS A PLAY ON WORDS TO SHOW THAT I HAD MISPLACED MY WEED!" He interrupts.

Pearl looks at the camera. _"Oh god. That's street talk for 'Marijuana'"_

"If you see the shard, bring it to me right away," Pearl says. "I'm going to check in town."

Snoop laughs. "The rod up that bitches' ass has a rod up it's ass, nigga."

He pulls out a blunt and starts smoking it. Suddenly, the blunt jiggles around, as if it's self aware. Which it is.

Snoop looks at the blunt, confused. "What the hell am I smoking? Oh right. Weed."

He unwraps the blunt to find a crystal. It's the gem shard. "Man, they told me this was weed! Not Meth!" Snoop says, irritated. "I wear the wife-beaters in this relationship!" He spouts for no reason.

The shard glows, and tries to pull Snoop's hat towards it. "Not today, nigga," Snoop says.

He puts it in a sock, which starts wriggling around. "Ha! Now who's the one with the alimony check. Suddenly, the sock starts hitting him in the face, and he growls.

He throws the sock in his blunt backpack, and runs out the door.

"AYE WHITE BITCH! WHITE BITCH!" He calls, running through the town.

Suddenly, Tupac bumps into him, wearing a literal blunt costume. His father, Mr. Fryman, was publicly shaming him by making him wear an emblem of their family business.

Snoop picks up Tupac and lights his head on fire. The black rapper screams in pain as his scalp is charred to a crisp. He takes off the top and starts yelling at Snoop. "I'M NOT A BLUNT!" He yells.

Mr. Fryman walks out and gasps. "Where's your filter, WeedBo?" He asks. "Bein' part of the Fryman family means you GOTTA sell fries. Got it?" He asks, jabbing Tupac in the stomach with a revolver. "And be my adopted son... which you are. So... you're already halfway there," He says, closing the door.

"Man, that dude is a piece of shit. Want me to make fry bits out of his flesh?" Snoop asks.

Tupac sighs and sits down. "No..."

"Well then. Next best thing," Snoop says, throwing the gem inside the blunt suit. It begins to close around Tupac's neck, and he screams, scrambling out of the costume.

Mr. Fryman opens the door again to see the blunt doing the rappers' bidding. "Keep up the good work, WeedBo! Also, clean up the bloodstains in here when you get the chance!"

"Now we can do whatever we want because this action will have no unforseen consequences!" Snoop says. The two run off to do... stuff on the boardwalk.

Snoop lights a blunt for himself and for Tupac. Tupac smiles at dirst, then sighs. "This used to make me so happy." Snoop smiles. "I just feel HOOOOORRRRRNNNYYY!" "You wouldn't understand. You don't have a job," Tupac replies.

Snoop snaps out of the joint-induced euphoria. "You sayin' I ain't got a career? Nigga, I'm a rapper. I am more successful than you, and always will be. Now you have to pay for your insolence," He says, taking out a combat knife.

Tupac screams in pure agony as Snoop cuts off his arm. Hyper-realistic blood spouts in all directions. However, since Snoop is a merciful god, he cauterizes the wound using a burning hot sheet of metal.

Suddenly, the two hear Mr. Fryman scream. They rush towards the scene to see multiple residents of Beach City getting burned to death by the living WeedBo. I won't say who, in case those characters are in future episodes.

The WeedBo is chasing people around, making them smoke reefer. "No more weed! No more weed!" Mr. Smiley pleads as hundreds of blunts are shoved down his throat and ignited.

"WeedBo! Stop!" Snoop orders.

WeedBo turns around and throws Lars at him. The teen coughs up the pot and runs aeay. "I don't even like Marijuana!" He yells.

"Nigga, that's it," Snoop says, taking out an AK-47. He blows the freakish costume into millions of pieces, and the gem shard comes flying out. Snoop grabs it with his free hand and puts it in the sock.

He gives the last shard to Pearl, who bubbles it.

"Looks like our work here is done." Snoop says proudly.

"Snoop, put some clothes on," Pearl says. Snoop had gotten undressed for no reason, and he smiles as the episode comes to an end, the star focusing on his 24-inch schlong.

* * *

 **Yes. I will be doing every episode.**


	7. The Non-Canon Episode

**So I tried creating my own Snoop Universe episode that didn't have anything to do with canon. This is just Snoop's regular day.**

Snoop was sleeping peacefully in his racecar bed, not giving a crap about the cancerous world around him. You caused this, Snoop. You made people think it was okay to "Smoke Weed Everyday." But I love you anyway.

Snoop woke up and stretched, yawning. "Mornin' Motherfuckas'" He says to the gems.

He grabs a blue bandanna and wraps it around his face. "I'm goin' out with my C boys." He says, walking out the door.

"Finally, he's gone." Amethyst says.

"Wanna make out?" Pearl asks.

"I don't see why not. After all, we are in a story that has no effect on the actual plot of Steven Universe." Amethyst says.

So the two strip down to their undies and do it.

Snoop can hear Pearl moaning, and he peeks inside, grinning monstrously.

"MMMMMMM THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT!" He screams at the top of his lungs.

He walks back in and grabs his trusty Remington 870. "Sorry, I forgot about this." He says.

Pearl and Amethyst are sitting down perfectly still and clothed.

"Were you guys doin' it again?" Snoop asks.

"No..." Pearl lies.

"Oh Pearl!" Snoop smiles as a laugh track plays in the background.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?" He asks, raising the shotgun "I WILL BLOW THE HEAD OFF THE MOTHAFUCKA WHO PLAYED THAT LAUGH TRACK!"

"What's this about again?" Amethyst asks.

Snoop grimaces. "Me and da soundboard guy got some beef from a long time ago..."

* * *

Meanwhile, a man is sitting at a desk with multiple monitors on it, watching Snoop.

"He knows." The man says. "Dear God, help us. Snoop knows where we are."

Suddenly, a bright flash is emitted from the monitor, and Snoop appears in a glowing blaze of light.

 _"You forgot. I am god, nigga."_ He says, taking out a glock and busting a cap in the man's brain.

 _"Yeah bitch. Youse a dead nigga now."_ He chuckles, then returns to his own dimension.

* * *

"What was that all about?" Pearl asks.

"Nothin'" Snoop shrugs, grabbing his Remington 870 and walking out the door.

"Snoop is back up in this motherfucker." He says, looking out over Beach City.

He walks down the steps and into the hood, where multiple people were doing their daily business.

"Alright Crips!" Snoop calls. Multiple people emerge from behind him, all sporting blue bandannas. "Lay me down a beat!" He says.

 **fucking song time bitches**

"Yo... it's me, Snoop" He says, taking out a microphone.

"Alright. Me... Snoop. Kick it." He says, taking out his Remington.

 _"Yo it's me Snoop beating Kanye to Capitol Hill,_

 _Killin' filthy Bloods to watch the red spill,_

 _I smoke weed everyday (Don't you know it)_

 _Slicin' up more bitches than O.J. (Nigga, Show it)_

 _It ain't no thang_

 _my lunch I brang_

 _Now I'm singin' and killin'_

 _Watchin' my homies illin'_

 _Got a gem on my chest and my money on my mind_

 _Get ready mothafucka cause it's stand-off time."_ He finishes, cocking his Remington.

Suddenly, a large group of Bloods leaps out from behind the buildings.

"Aha. I been waitin' for ya." Snoop says, then opens fire.

The Blood's blood stains the streets a filthy red as the Beach City residents scream in terror.

"The good nigga's work." He says, turning back and walking back to the Crystal Gem's residence.

He opens the door to see Amethyst and Pearl having nasty sex yet again.

"Oh, Pearl!" Snoop says, smiling. He is met with silence. "Where's that motherfucking sound board guy?" He asks. "Oh right. I murdered him in cold blood."

"But to finish off this episode, I have one question." Snoop says.

He points to Pearl's ballerina slippers.

"What."

"Are."

"Thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooose"

 **Again, sorry for not updating. I hope you enjoyed Snoop's solo, though. I sure did!**


End file.
